Co-Parenting With An Abuser: How to Help Your Kids, Yourself

Co-Parenting With An Abuser: How to Help Your Kids, Yourself

It seems that the courts would have more sense when it comes to co-parenting with any abuser, but especially a proven-in-a-court-of-law abuser found guilty of domestic violence, child abuse, or any sexual crimes. There is a disconnect between criminal court and family court that endangers our children with the mistaken belief that two parents, of any sort, is preferable to protecting our children from dangerous people.

And yet, many of us find ourselves co-parenting with our abusers. We must allow visitations, and doing so causes great stress. Carmen is “unable to breathe” when her daughters leave to visit their father who was convicted of a sex crime and shows evidence of enjoying child pornography. Can you blame her? She does everything she can legally do to prevent her daughters from going to their father’s home, yet family court allows and enforces the visitation.

Finding Peace When Co-Parenting With Your Abuser
Carmen, like most of us survivors who left abusive relationships after having children with the abuser, feel re-victimized and helpless after our ex-partner receives the go-ahead to continue abusing by the court. Nevertheless, this violations to humanity and good sense become our reality. Our job, believe it or not, is to make this reality more bearable. Being “unable to breathe” when your spouse has the children does not benefit you or the children. In some ways, by NOT finding some peace within this situation, you are allowing your abuser to continue controlling you, whether they know they’re controlling you or not. Continue Reading

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